House of cards
My colleague and I were chatting the other day about how it often happens that when you’re having a good day, the next bad day was just waiting to happen.
We both said we were having a good day.
Until I got called in to our manager’s office to do a project. An unpopular one.
Afterwards I went to my colleague and told her the penny had just dropped!
Well last week another colleague and I were talking. I was laughing so much, and didnt even care there if was bad news around the corner.
There was.
We got word that a family friend had died at a young age.
Suddenly my world had changed from carefree (as much as it gets with me) to one where life and death were foremost in my thoughts.
And I felt vulnerable. At home and work.
While talking with my guy friend about something unrelated Friday morning, I felt a mask on my face start to slip.
And showed the vulnerability I was feeling.
I thought I had it all together. Capable me. I normally fix and make things, you know.
Instead my house of cards started slipping.
He reacted by being extra sweet and kind.
But I hated that. I hate feeling transparent.
I hate needing someone.
When I got to work more of the cards started falling.
It seemed like my vulnerability was there for all to see. It probably wasn’t.
And I got irritated with two colleagues – not the infamous gossipers.
Who in turn showed their own irritation with me. One going as far as complaining about me – to one of the infamous gossipers. As luck would have it, I had to pass them on my way out the door.
So now I have this new set of circumstances in my private life.
Time to start again…although I think my foundation is pretty strong this time.
I’m certainly not afraid of the good days. Nor the bad for that matter.
It’s the emotional stuff that gets me every time.
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