Baby, Do You Trust Me?
A few years ago my then boyfriend asked me the dreaded question, “Baby, do you trust me?”
Me being me said: “I don’t have to.” “We always use protection.”
But it turned out a lot differently when I found out something important he ‘forgot’ to tell me.
“How could you lie to me about something so important,” I cried.
I eventually forgave him because the lie wasn’t a deal breaker. He wasn’t married or a criminal.
And even though we continued dating for more than a year afterwards and I was falling in love with him, I knew I would break up with him eventually. Because I didn’t trust him to tell me the important stuff.
Trust is more than just the obvious “will he cheat on me?” or “will they rob me blind”.
With friends it’s about maintaining confidences and being able to share good and bad times.
At work I always thought trust wasn’t needed if you had proper systems in place. Financial as well as procedurial.
Until recently…
It’s not only about gossip or back-stabbing.
I think it’s more the fact that a discussion about my work and personal or perceived personal relationships took place behind my back.
While the people involved would be friendly to my face.
How do trust people like that?
As with any relationship – home, work and everything inbetween, it is easier to deal with someone when you know where you stand.
Uncertainty leads to mistrust.
If you know someone doesn’t like you, at least you can trust that.
The ones with a duplicituous nature are the ones you can’t trust.
Five years on, I wonder if my former boyfriend ever asked that question to another woman.
I do realise now that trust is sometimes implicit. It’s just there.
You only realise you had it once it’s broken.
